The other day I did a post about a Fantastic Four comic from the Byrne era which features not one but two villains from the Negative Zone, Annihilus and Blastaar. In my excitement about Annihilus, whom the ladies call The Living Death Who Walks, I completely neglected Blastaar, who is sometimes called The Living Bomb-Burst, his DJ name. And that, in a nutshell, is the story of Blastaar’s life: always upstaged by Annihilus, always destined to be the second most feared villain from the Negative Zone.
So anyway, I wanted to give Blastaar some love, and I know I’m not the only Blastaarhead out there. Who doesn’t love that big furry sumbitch with all his screaming and blasting and yelling?
A little background on Blastaar. He comes from The Negative Zone, that realm of Kirbyspace so often visited by the Fantastic Four. The Negative Zone is also the name of everything within a 20 foot radius of my desk on Monday mornings. Ha-cha! Little joke for you, there.
Anyway, Blastaar is a big Sasquatch looking motherfather who can shoot explosive energy out of his hands, thereby, er, blasting people. Hence his name. Blastaar also uses his huge mouth to yell and scream a lot. Seriously, look at the size of that freakin mouth.
Basically Blastaar looks like the love child of Animal from The Muppet Show and one of the savage Uruk-Hai from Lord of the Rings.
Blastaar is cute, but dangerous. If you tried to give him a hug he would hug you back, but he’d pull a Mice and Men on you and smother you. “Blastaar like human. Human smell nice!”
He doesn’t actually talk like that, he usually just screams BLASTAAR!!! while guitars wail and fireworks explode.
He doesn’t actually talk like that, he usually just screams BLASTAAR!!! while guitars wail and fireworks explode.
Believe it or not, Blastaar is the former king of the planet Baluur whose citizens rebelled against him and tossed his grey ass into The Negative Zone. There he has battled frickin’ Annihilus, his most bitter foe, on many occasions. Blastaar really has issues with Annihilus – and who wouldn’t? So although Blastaar is technically not from the Negative Zone, he is from the Negative Zone, if you know what I mean. I hope you do, because I don't...
Fun facts about Blastaar:
- Blastaar has a son named Burstaar, which I believe is a Dutch hemmorhoid ointment as well.
- Blastaar can fly like a rocket by shooting a low-intensity blast out of his fingertips. He can also clear a room with low-intensity blasts out of his ass.*
- Blastaar eats apples whole.
- Blastaar’s favorite film is the 1979 Barbara Streisand comedy The Main Event. Nobody knows why.
*I am so deeply sorry.
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